Everyone’s Fighting With Lisa Barlow

Remember the simple times? Long before federal convictions and Reality Von Tease, the humble ladies of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City fought about hospital smells and thumbs up emojis.

After two years of increased stakes, the most absurd Real Housewives franchise is back to its roots this season. Every fight is indecipherable, unrelatable, and wonderfully engaging—just the way it should be.

Following a premiere that effortlessly proved the show doesn’t need Monica to survive, the second episode is an even more impressive outing. Not only does the show not need Monica, it’s thriving in her absence. Without a pariah in their midst, the ladies of RHOSLC no longer need to present a united front. Instead, they’re all turning on each other. From Whitney vs. everyone to Lisa and Angie’s falling out, no one is safe.

It all starts with a post-Besos dinner lunch, sponsored by Wendy’s. Literally. Congrats to Lisa Barlow for breaking new ground for this franchise with very in-your-face sponsored content. To be fair, it’s possible Alo Yoga paid Tom Sandoval to wear their hats on Vanderpump Rules, but it’s much more plausible he’s just a fan of the brand (and has since been sent a cease and desist).

As Lisa, Bronwyn, and Heather recap the bombastic dinner, Bronwyn offers some strong, less-than-enthusiastic opinions about the “hilled Whitney.” But to Heather, Bronwyn’s sharp tongue just seems calculated and a bit too reminiscent of Monica, who came onto the show having run a “fan” account for years.

Bronwyn’s in a precarious situation that all modern Housewives face. If you come in with opinions on the women, you come across as a forced fan. If you stay mum, you run the risk of fading into the background.

But it’s rare we actually address that issue, and Heather’s apprehension makes sense. It’s especially interesting when, already, we’re seeing that Bronwyn may just be the type to say whatever sounds agreeable in the moment, only to change her tune moments later. That makes her a great sounding board for Lisa, who never listens to anyone, anyway.

“You know I’m so disgusted with Whitney that she would go on a podcast,” Lisa says in a confessional, standing bravely against the podcast industrial complex. Somewhere, Tamra Judge took this as a personal slight, and she will be launching missiles at Wendy’s corporate offices any day now.

Lisa is also annoyed with Angie, whose support of Whitney made Lisa feel like she has lost a key ally. The two do what Housewives do, meeting for lunch to fight with no intention of taking a bite of food.

Immediately, the mood is supremely frosty (just $1 at Wendy’s for a limited time!). How can Lisa trust Angie if things she told only her (and Heather, and the camera crew, and eventually the nation) are now being revealed to Whitney? It’s just not right.

But Angie feels vindicated in her behavior, having only wanted to move Whitney towards apologizing to Lisa. She doesn’t say that in the moment, though, instead telling Lisa the optics of her “gang up” on Whitney just didn’t look good. Angie wants Lisa to come at things calmer, and without her firing squad (Heather and Meredith). To Lisa, that’s an attack. She is in her late forties! It’s not her fault that the words she uses and the tone she speaks in are constantly interpreted as hostile and rude by everyone she meets. They’re just scared of a strong woman.

What’s that thing Swifties say? A man can laugh, but a woman must chuckle. Lisa Barlow stans should start tweeting that. Our feminist queen is being silenced by MAGAngie! #NotBabyGorgeousOfHer.

Of course, if Lisa would just listen to Angie for a few seconds, the two probably would come to an agreement. It’s pretty clear Angie doesn’t want to fight with Lisa, to no avail.

Meanwhile, Meredith takes her husband Seth to a cooking class so she can announce she’s getting Bat Mitzvahed. Typically a ceremony done when one becomes a young adult, Meredith has re-adapted the milestone as a sort of “mother ceremony” for a lifetime of servitude. She also wants to combat anti-semitism and reaffirm her faith, as is only a fitting route for the most religiously diverse cast on Bravo.

Meredith’s choice is something Seth finds admirable, even if her monotonous kids are bewildered. Well, bewildered might be a strong word for two people who have never shown a shred of emotion. Every scene in the rotating rentals that house Meredith Marks answers one question while adding 85 more. Remember when she and her sister squeezed a lemon together? That was weird.

We also get a peek into Bronwyn’s home life. Her home is anything but a rental, bursting with character. The rugs are eccentric, her dog wears sweaters, and the colorful vases all look scarily close to toppling over.

Bronwyn’s husband Todd is twice her age, and he seems like a cool guy. The thought of this random man in any Housewives fight seems so implausible, so it’s a good thing the Salt Lake City ladies rarely include husbands in the drama. Then again, even Angie Harrington’s “Elf on a Shelf” husband ran a burner account hating on Lisa, so never say never.

So far, Bronwyn seems like the right kind of “aspirational” Housewife. She’s rich, weird, and clearly has evil buried just beneath her perfect smile. She’s also competing in the Coraline’s Other Mother pageant against reigning champ Heather Dubrow, and she’s got her button eyes set on the gold.

And friend-of Britani is a wonderfully aspirational Housewife, living up to that title with perfection by not even snagging a snowflake. A Mormon whose relationship with Jared Osmond sprung from her ex-husband and his ex-wife dating, only to be stuck in an on-again, off-again love affair that’s clearly one-sided and has cost her a relationship with her kids, Britani is a certified mess. She’s already caught the ire of Mary and Bronwyn, and seems intent on embarrassing herself each week. Just our luck!

She’s actually a great casting choice, one who was clearly in the running for full-time status (as evidenced by her solo footage, which was relegated to a flashback). I’m sure there’s a good reason she’s not a Housewife, but I want to watch every second of footage she filmed. I am Britani pilled and it’s too late to save me now.

Truly, every member of this cast is perfect. When the ladies gather for a ropes course trust exercise, they make great strides. Mary learns that Meili isn’t as thin as she thought. Whitney reveals she used to give under-the-table handjobs. Meredith abstains from walking a tightrope because she has “tennis elbow.” Lots of great character notes found here.

At lunch, Britani makes an exciting announcement: She and Jared are officially a couple! Well, sort of. Jared once again called her his “best friend” in their Instagram official announcement, not his girlfriend. That correlates to her crumb of solo footage, where Jared also referred to their time together as a friendship. How humiliating… and degrading.

“Why do we care?” Mary interjects, kicking off a fight between the two. Mary vs. Britani is such a lovely feud in that they’re both aliens sent from a planet made up of telegenic personalities. Mary has such a visceral disdain for the Housewives tropes that she’s surrounded by, it’s honestly so bizarre she ended up here. But thank God. Well, thank Mary.

It only gets worse as Britani’s estrangement from her daughters comes up, leading Mary to say she needs some “soul searching.” In a confessional, Mary reveals she’s triggered by Britani, who reminds her of her absentee mother. It’s a rare Mary moment that isn’t just played for laughs and it provides some real intrigue.

As for Bronwyn dunking on Britani, well, that feels a bit forced. When newbies join a franchise together, they often end up banding together or throwing each other under the bus. It seems Bronwyn has decided to assert dominance by knocking an already defeated Britani down. I’m telling you: Bronwyn is sinister! Obviously, that’s good, but don’t be fooled.

Heather has a sense that something’s awry, too, jumping in to swipe at Bronwyn for speaking out of both sides of her mouth. But it doesn’t really land. She’s coming in just a bit too hot, and far too early, even though it’s clear that Heather is onto something. She’s still running high off her Monica takedown and wants to catch Bronwyn before we end up with another Reality Von Tease, but that’s not how it works.

Though, it is confusing that Bronwyn wanted more support from Lisa in the conversation. Lisa’s not exactly known for being a great, supportive friend, but she also came across pretty reasonably here, defending Bronwyn despite Heather’s spin. How exactly did Lisa make things worse? Bronwyn is looking for an excuse to jump ship before she’s found a valid one. And that’s funny, given Lisa will certainly give her a scroll of reasons any day now.

Case in point: Lisa’s fallout with Whitney. Those two had a great showmance, but the second things got a bit real, it fell apart spectacularly. Just give it time, Bronwyn.

Next week, the ladies embark on a trip to fabulous… Milwaukee. You know the trip location is good when it’s prefaced by “you’re gonna laugh.” RHOSLC has never sold itself as the glamorous franchise for a reason.

Look though, as long as these ladies continue to fight the good fight, I don’t care if they’re in Bermuda, Paris, or the construction zone the Potomac cast filmed in last year. This season is magic and even a trip to the second best city in Wisconsin can’t deter that.