You’re Not Really From Montana Unless You’ve Complained About These 12 Things

Ah, Montana—the Big Sky State, where the landscapes are endless, the neighbors are far apart, and the complaints are as rugged as the people making them. Out here, we measure distance in hours, seasons in snowdrifts, and status by how many freezers of elk meat you’ve got. If you haven’t grumbled about these classic Montana annoyances—probably while wearing flannel and squinting at a storm rolling in from 80 miles away—then you might be from somewhere else entirely.

Californians Moving In and Buying Everything in Cash

Thanks for the housing crisis, hope you enjoy your third home in Bozeman.

Tourists Stopping in the Middle of the Road to Take Photos of Cows

It’s a cow, Brenda. We’ve got millions. Please move your rental car.

The “Spring” Season Being a Total Scam

It’s not spring until the snow melts and stays melted—which could be July.

Everyone Thinking You Ride a Horse to Work

We don’t all ride horses… just the lucky ones.

Having to Drive Two Hours for Milk and a Dentist

“It’s just down the road”—meaning a 90-minute scenic drive through three counties.

People Not Understanding That Yes, It Still Gets Cold in September

Pack a coat. Always. Even if it’s July. Just trust us.

Bison Traffic Jams in Yellowstone

Beautiful? Yes. Novel? The first time. Now? I’ve got places to be, buddy.

Wind That Can Snap a Truck Door in Half

It’s not “windy.” It’s “hold your toddler or they’ll blow away” windy.

Grizzlies Making Hiking… a Bit More Intense

Nothing says “peaceful walk in nature” like bear spray on your hip and existential dread in your soul.

Cell Service Being a Suggestion, Not a Guarantee

“No service” is the Montana state motto in most counties.

The Price of Everything in Resort Towns

$28 for a burger in Whitefish? What’s it made of—bison, gold, and broken dreams?

Everyone Romanticizing Ranch Life

It’s cute until you’re breaking ice out of troughs at 5 AM in -20° and yelling at a cow that’s giving birth sideways.

Sure, we Montanans gripe about the newcomers, the cold, and the fact that bears occasionally wander into town—but we wouldn’t trade it for anything. Complaining here is just part of the rhythm of the wide open life—best done while sipping coffee on a porch, staring at the mountains, and preparing for the next snowstorm.

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