You’re Not Really From California Unless You’ve Complained About These 12 Things

Ah, California—the magical land of endless sunshine, avocado worship, and freeways that double as parking lots. If you’ve lived here long enough, you know that beneath our laid-back exterior lies a passionate ability to complain about our state’s signature annoyances. Let’s be honest: if you haven’t vented about these things, are you even a real Californian?

Traffic. Literally All Traffic.

Californians measure distance in time, not miles—”20 minutes away” can mean two hours on the 405.

Avocado Prices Being an Actual Personal Attack

Paying extra for guac is a hate crime here.

People Asking if You Know Celebrities

Yes, obviously Brad Pitt lives next door and I borrow sugar from Oprah weekly.

The Mysterious Smog Layer That Never Leaves

If you can’t see the mountains, just assume it’s an “air-quality day.”

Earthquakes Ruining Your Zen

Just another casual afternoon of questioning if your house has insurance coverage for tectonic shifts.

Rent That Requires Selling Organs

“Charming studio apartment, $3,000/month, shared bathroom with raccoons, no kitchen, great views though!”

Tourists Mispronouncing Every Spanish-Named City

Welcome to “La Joe-la” and “San Hosie,” population: everyone not from here.

The State Being on Fire, Again

California’s four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fire, Slightly Less Fire.

Parking in LA or San Francisco

Congratulations, you found a spot! Now hand over your paycheck for the privilege.

People Judging Your In-N-Out Order

Animal style, protein style, no onion—prepare for side-eyes if you dare deviate from tradition.

Constantly Defending the Word “Hella”

It’s not just slang—it’s cultural heritage, hella respect it.

Being Told to Conserve Water While Someone’s Lawn Looks Like Disneyland

Our showers are three minutes, yet someone’s estate has waterfalls? Cool, cool.

Let’s face it: we Californians secretly love to bond over our complaints. Sure, the traffic’s bad, the rent is criminal, and our avocados cost more than gold—but deep down, we’d never trade the sunshine, beaches, and kale smoothies for anywhere else. Complaining is just our love language.

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