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Arizona, where it’s a dry heat (until it’s not), cacti are sacred, and no one blinks when the weather hits 115°. Arizonans are tough, tan, and proud of their state’s strange balance of desert peace and perpetual construction zones. They’ll hike before sunrise, fry an egg on the sidewalk by noon, and still argue over whether it’s “uh-ri-zona” or “air-izona.” If you’re looking to melt that sun-hardened patience just a little, here are 11 subtle ways to mildly annoy someone from the Grand Canyon State.
Say, “But it’s a dry heat, right?”
Yes, and so is your oven. Want to live in it?
Complain that there are “no seasons.”
There are! They’re called: Hot, Hotter, Surface of the Sun, and Monsoon.
Refer to everything as “the desert” like it’s boring.
There are five kinds of desert here, and at least three of them will try to kill you. Respect.
Ask if they ride horses to school.
No, but they might own a Jeep that hasn’t touched pavement since 2017.
Call it “Southern California without the ocean.”
Then go pay California rent and enjoy traffic with a view.
Be shocked when it gets cold.
Northern Arizona gets snow. Flagstaff has actual skiing. Do your research.
Trash-talk Sonoran Mexican food.
You just insulted their tortillas, their abuelitas, and yourself.
Ask what’s so great about a giant hole in the ground.
It’s the Grand Canyon, not a pothole, Brad.
Say “it’s just all retirees and golf courses.”
Maybe, but those retirees will out-hike you with a bottle of water and a sassy hat.
Mock how everything is beige.
That’s not beige—that’s subtle desert elegance, and it pairs beautifully with rust-colored sunsets.
Complain about the scorpions and snakes.
They were here first. Just shake out your shoes and move on.
Still, Arizonans are a laid-back and sun-toughened bunch who’ll offer you sunscreen, a hike recommendation, and a killer taco spot—all before brunch. Just respect the desert, hydrate like your life depends on it (because it does), and never say “it’s just Phoenix and cacti.” You’ll be fine, partner.
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