If These 10 Things Make Sense to You, You’ve Been in Florida Far Too Long

Florida: the land of sunshine, sinkholes, and stories that start with “A Florida man…” It’s a wild, wonderful peninsula where gators show up in backyards, it’s totally normal to wear flip-flops in December, and your umbrella is less for sun than sudden storms. If all of this sounds completely normal, you’ve clearly been in Florida far too long—and honestly, you might just love it.

You instinctively run errands before 10 a.m. to beat both the heat and the retirees.

Miss that window, and you’re either drenched in sweat or stuck behind someone doing 20 in a 45.

You’ve accepted that every body of water might contain an alligator.

Retention pond? Gator. Kiddie pool? Still wouldn’t risk it.

You’ve used your car’s AC more than the actual gas pedal.

Bonus points if you’ve burned your thighs on a leather seat mid-July.

You’ve seen it pour rain on one side of the street while it’s sunny on the other.

Welcome to Florida’s version of “partly cloudy.”

You can casually list five different types of hurricanes… and five Publix sub toppings.

Both are part of your emergency preparedness plan.

You’ve been personally victimized by lovebugs.

Car covered, paint destroyed, windshield wipers crying—those little pests own springtime.

You consider 70 degrees to be “sweater weather.”

And yes, you will light a cinnamon candle and pretend it’s fall.

You’ve had to dodge both iguanas and retirees in golf carts.

Sometimes in the same parking lot.

You’re unfazed by headlines like “Man wrestles gator in drive-thru.”

Because honestly, that could’ve been your cousin Todd.

You know Disney isn’t just a theme park—it’s a lifestyle.

Whether you’re an annual passholder or just fluent in Genie+ rage, you get it.

If every item here made you smile—or shake your head in personal recognition—congratulations, Florida has officially gotten under your (sunburnt) skin. Sure, it’s chaotic, sweaty, and occasionally full of flying cockroaches, but it’s also a place where weirdness thrives and flip-flops never go out of style. Just remember: if you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes—or move to a different zip code.

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