Colorado—the state where you need four jackets, a pair of shorts, and sunscreen… all before breakfast. It’s a place where elevation is a bragging right, craft beer is a food group, and the weather forecast is mostly vibes. If these ten things sound perfectly reasonable to you, then congratulations—you’ve officially crossed over into full-fledged Coloradan territory.
You’ve said “it’s just a 14er” like it’s no big deal.
Meanwhile, flatlanders are still catching their breath in the airport parking lot.
You’ve used the phrase “but it’s a dry cold.”
Right before stepping outside into negative-5-degree air and pretending it’s not that bad.
You judge people by their ski pass.
Epic or Ikon—choose wisely, or prepare to lose friends during snow season.
You’ve explained altitude sickness to tourists more times than you can count.
“Drink water. No, more water. Also, stop trying to chug beer, this isn’t sea level.”
Your closet is 50% Patagonia, 50% flannel, and somehow still not enough.
Bonus points if your puffer vest cost more than your first car.
You know how to drive in a blizzard, on a mountain pass, with one tire missing.
And you will judge Texans who panic at the first snowflake.
You refer to directions using mountains.
“Head west toward the Front Range, then go north ’til you hit that brewery with the elk mural.”
You’ve eaten green chile on things that should not have chile.
Pizza, burgers, breakfast cereal—don’t question the ways of the chile.
You’ve packed bear spray for a picnic.
Because in Colorado, your lunch date might include a hungry black bear.
You’ve used marijuana legally… next to your mom… at a wedding.
And somehow, nobody even blinked.
If all of this makes perfect sense, then your blood’s probably thinned out for altitude, and your heart beats in sync with the sound of a craft IPA being poured. Welcome to Colorado, where the scenery is majestic, the weather is chaotic, and the people are weird in the best way possible. Just remember: if you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes—and bring a hoodie just in case.
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