14 Strange (But True) Laws You’ll Only Hear About in Massachusetts

Massachusetts: the cradle of the American Revolution, the home of Harvard, and—apparently—the place where common sense went to take a coffee break when writing some of these laws. Sure, this state gave us Paul Revere, the Boston Tea Party, and chowder thicker than a traffic jam on the Pike. But it also gave us legal gems involving exploding golf balls, duels with water pistols, and overly passionate snoring. Buckle up, Boston—things are about to get weird.

1. It’s Illegal to Have a Rooster in a Bakery

Because nothing ruins your muffin like a spontaneous cock-a-doodle-doo. Massachusetts law bans roosters in bakeries, just in case someone thought that was ever okay.

2. Snoring Is Prohibited Unless All Bedroom Windows Are Closed and Locked

If you snore like a buzzsaw and your windows are open, you could technically be disturbing the peace. Consider yourself warned, sleep-sirens.

3. It’s Illegal to Go to Bed Without Bathing in Some Places

Certain local ordinances once required residents to bathe before bedtime. Hygiene: not optional, apparently.

4. You May Not Have a Gorilla in the Backseat of Your Car

Front seat? Oddly not mentioned. But the backseat is a hard no for your furry companion. (And no, emotional support gorilla isn’t a loophole.)

5. It’s Illegal to Give Beer to Hospital Patients

Despite how rough that hospital food can be, don’t try to sneak your buddy a brew. Massachusetts says no to IPA IVs.

6. Tomatoes May Not Be Used in Clam Chowder

This is less a law and more a culinary commandment. Tomato-based chowder? That’s New York heresy. In Massachusetts, it’s practically a felony.

7. No Gorillas at the Beach (Just in Case)

Not just cars—Massachusetts has also banned gorillas from public beaches. This state is very gorilla-specific. Someone definitely had a bad experience.

8. It’s Illegal to Explode a Golf Ball

Yes, someone did this. And yes, now it’s a crime. So if your idea of tee time involves pyrotechnics, try another state.

9. Candy May Not Contain More Than 1% Alcohol

That boozy bonbon better be subtle. Massachusetts doesn’t want you getting tipsy off truffles.

10. It’s Illegal to Duel With Water Pistols in the City of Boston

This city started a revolution—but draws the line at Super Soakers. No toy duels allowed, even for bragging rights.

11. You Can’t Eat More Than Three Sandwiches at a Wake

Mourning is one thing—turning a wake into a buffet is another. Massachusetts expects you to grieve with grace and moderation.

12. You May Not Keep a Mule on the Second Floor of a Building Unless There’s a Proper Elevator

If you’ve got a multi-story mule situation, you’ll need a lift. The law is shockingly specific—and we’d love to know the story behind it.

13. In Marlborough, It’s Illegal to Buy, Sell, or Own a Squirt Gun

No summer fun for you. The city of Marlborough once cracked down on water warfare with an outright squirt gun ban.

14. You Must Have a License to Wear a Goatee in Public (Technically)

Old laws suggest you once needed a permit to sport a goatee. So if you’re channeling your inner 1990s alt-rocker—better file the paperwork.

Massachusetts may be packed with revolutionary history and highbrow academia, but its lawbook? That’s where things get delightfully off the rails. Whether you’re snoring with the windows open or transporting a mule upstairs, one thing’s for sure: in the Bay State, you’d better read the fine print—because it’s as quirky as a clam chowder crusade.

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