You’re Not Really From Washington Unless You’ve Complained About These 12 Things

Ah, Washington—the Evergreen State, where the trees are tall, the coffee is strong, and the rain is emotionally committed. From tech bros in Seattle to flannel-clad folks in Spokane, this state runs on espresso, existential dread, and passive-aggressive complaints about traffic and tourists. If you haven’t grumbled about these Washington quirks—probably while holding a compostable cup of locally roasted coffee—you’re either new here or hiding in Oregon.

Everyone Thinking It’s Always Raining

Okay, yes, it does rain a lot—but it’s more of a vibe than a storm. A misty, moody, eternal vibe.

Being Asked If You Work at Microsoft, Amazon, or Starbucks

We might, but also—some of us just like the coffee and use Google Docs.

Seattle Traffic That Defies the Laws of Time and Space

It’s only 10 miles? Cool, that’ll be an hour and a half and one existential crisis.

Out-of-Towners Thinking They Can Hike in Birkenstocks

Yes, it’s pretty here. No, the trail does not care about your Instagram dreams.

The State Being Split in Two (Geographically and Emotionally)

Western Washington: tech, trees, lattes.
Eastern Washington: wheat, wine, “what’s rain?”

The Passive-Aggressive Driving Style

We won’t merge properly, but we will glare at you through the windshield with Pacific Northwest judgment.

People Who Don’t Understand the Importance of Recycling and Composting

That banana peel doesn’t go in the trash, Todd. We will correct you politely.

The Gray That Lasts for Seven Months

Seasonal depression? No—it’s just the annual Seattle Starter Pack.

Mount Rainier Being Beautiful and Also Never Visible

“The mountain’s out today!” = the most exciting thing we’ll say all week.

Tourists Who Expect to See Vampires in Forks

Twilight was fiction, Becky. But go ahead and buy a $30 T-shirt about it.

The Constant Fear of a Giant Earthquake That We Joke About But Definitely Aren’t Emotionally Prepared For

Just build your house on stilts and keep a kayak in your garage—it’s fine.

Every Local Business Being Described as “Artisanal” or “Craft”

Craft pickles, craft soap, craft beard oil—it’s like Etsy exploded and got a zip code.

Sure, we Washingtonians love to complain—about the traffic, the weather, and how California keeps sending us people who don’t know what gore-tex is—but deep down, we’re proud of our rain-soaked, pine-scented, weirdly caffeinated corner of the country. Complaining here isn’t grumpy—it’s just part of the Pacific Northwest charm

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