You’re Not Really From Utah Unless You’ve Complained About These 12 Things

Ah, Utah—the Beehive State, where the mountains are majestic, the liquor laws are mysterious, and the scenery is so gorgeous it almost makes up for the fact that your margarita has to be weaker than a gas station coffee. From snow-packed slopes to sweltering deserts, Utah offers a little of everything—including plenty to complain about. If you haven’t lovingly griped about these Utah-specific quirks—probably while sitting in traffic behind someone hauling four mountain bikes—you might still be from California.

Liquor Laws That Feel Like a Puzzle Box

Want a full-strength beer? Better go to a state-run store before 7 p.m. on a Tuesday. Or solve a riddle at the hostess stand.

Out-of-Towners Not Understanding What “The Greatest Snow on Earth” Means

It’s not a slogan. It’s a way of life—and yes, we will judge your ski form.

Traffic Caused by Everyone Towing a Trailer, Boat, or Entire Campsite

Utah drivers are either going 95 mph in a truck the size of a house or 35 while hauling livestock. There is no in-between.

The Weather Being Four Seasons in One Day

Start your morning scraping ice off your car, end it with sunburn and regret.

The Obsession with Fry Sauce

Yes, it’s just mayo and ketchup. No, you can’t insult it in this state and live peacefully.

Construction That Happens Year-Round

“Improving I-15” has been going on since the dawn of time—and we still don’t know what’s being improved.

People Assuming Everyone Here Has Six Kids and Wears Matching Church Outfits

Some of us only have three kids, thank you very much.

Tourists in Zion Who Think Flip-Flops Are Acceptable Hiking Shoes

You’re not at Disneyland, buddy. That sandstone will eat your toes.

Having to Explain That Salt Lake City Isn’t Just Salt Flats and Mormon Temples

We also have hipster coffee shops, dive bars (barely), and more tech bros than is probably healthy.

License Plates That Brag About Scenery You’re Not Allowed to Park Next To

“Life Elevated”—unless you can’t find a single open trailhead at 8 a.m. on a Saturday.

The Smoggy Winter Inversion That Turns the Air Into Sad Soup

Come for the skiing, stay for the bronchial inflammation.

People Saying “Utah’s Just So Clean and Quiet!”

Translation: “Where’s the nightlife and why can’t I find a normal margarita?”

Sure, we Utahns love to complain—about the smog, the laws, the tourist traffic, and how hard it is to find a decent drink—but we’re still fiercely proud of our epic landscapes, trailhead culture, and sneaky-cool cities. Complaining here is just part of the trail mix—equal parts sass, pride, and yes, fry sauce.

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