You’re Not Really From Rhode Island Unless You’ve Complained About These 12 Things

Ah, Rhode Island—the tiniest state with the biggest opinions. You may be small enough to drive across in under an hour, but what you lack in square mileage you make up for in sass, seafood, and deeply held grudges about Del’s vs. Mr. Lemon. If you haven’t passionately complained about these Ocean State quirks—likely while stuck behind a tourist in Newport or trying to explain what a “cabinet” is—you’re probably just from Massachusetts.

Out-of-Staters Acting Shocked It’s a Real State

“Wait, Rhode Island is a state?” Yes. Been one since 1790, thanks. We’re small, not imaginary.

Massholes Driving Like They Own the Place

It’s called a blinker. Use it. Or go back to Route 128.

The Entire State Shutting Down at the First Hint of Snow

Two inches of snow? That’s it. We’re done. Call it a day. Cancel school for the week.

Tourists in Newport Acting Like It’s the Hamptons

That’s great, Becky, now please stop blocking traffic with your Vespa and Vineyard Vines tote.

Paying $25 to Drive 10 Miles on the Newport Bridge

You’re not getting off Aquidneck Island without a toll and a mild existential crisis.

The Ongoing Mystery of What a “Cabinet” Is

It’s a milkshake. No, it’s not furniture. And yes, you should know that by now.

The Del’s vs. Mr. Lemon Rivalry Being Treated Like a Court Case

Choose your slushy allegiance wisely. There is no going back.

Out-of-Towners Mispronouncing “Worcester” and “Pawtucket”

It’s WUSS-ter and Puh-TUCK-it. If you pronounce all the letters, we’ll know you’re a tourist.

Trying to Explain What Coffee Milk Is

No, it’s not a latte. It’s not espresso. It’s glorious sugary weirdness and it’s ours.

Construction Zones That Pop Up Overnight and Never Leave

RIP to the last functional lane on I-95.

Everyone Acting Like Anything Over 20 Minutes Away Is a Road Trip

“You live in Cranston? Oh wow, that’s like… far.”

No One Ever Giving Proper Directions

“Take a left where Benny’s used to be, then go past the Dunkin’ next to the other Dunkin’, and if you see the rotary, you’ve gone too far.”

Sure, Rhode Islanders love to complain—loudly, proudly, and often while double-parked—but that’s just part of our salty coastal charm. Underneath all the griping is a deep love for this quirky little state, its clam cakes, and its refusal to make anything easy for outsiders. We may be small, but we will correct your pronunciation and your pizza order.

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